28 May 2014

Show 'em ... _#11

As the heading suggests, this post is one of a series.
To follow, start with Show 'em what you can do_#1 and proceed in chronological order.
This is a teaching/training/exchange exercise.
Feel free to submit comments or suggestions, including alternative and improved translations.
The spelling used here is based on the analysis detailed in the February 2012 post -iz- is not American.

Block 8

For the French, see Les paris gagnés de DCN
Don't forget the skates

Whereas earlier generations of submarines were built on inclined launch ramps, modern-day types are assembled in sections in covered assembly halls with level floors. A spectacular system at DCN’s Cherbourg shipyard uses hydraulic ‘walkers’ and a shiplift to launch its finished hulls. The walkers were designed by Norwegian firm Total Transportation Systems and built by French contractors Sogelerg and ACB. Arranged in pairs and supporting a load-sharing beam, the walkers form a ‘centipede’. Each walker can support a maximum load of 400 tonnes. When the ‘centipede’ and its load are over the shiplift, the dock beneath is drained by a series of pumps leaving submarine and shiplift on the dock floor. Then when the dock is flooded again, the submarine can be floated out and towed to a fitting-out dock.

Caption: Hydraulic ‘walkers’ transfer the submarine to the DME shiplift

Running commentary
  • In the heading, 'patins' has been translated directly as 'skates' (want of a better idea). The larger problem is the multiple mixed metaphors. Each one ('skates', 'walkers', 'centipede') is acceptable in its own right, but the mixture is dreadful. Heading, body text and caption are thus candidates for further re-writes. Any suggestions?
  • The original is written, consciously or not, primarily for a French audience. The translation being intended for an international audience, I thought it wise to find out which company actually designed the 'walkers' and include their name.
  • The last couple of sentences form the subject of a separate post. See Show 'em 11.1 or Turning a problem passage into a gem.
  • Caption: 'DME shipflift' sounds sufficient, without explaining what the DME actually means.

ChatGPT, a drafting aid for translation by emulation

On 17 October 2011, I published the first of two posts summarising my general approach to the type of translation/adaptation services I was ...